Tuesday, February 5, 2008


My grandkids call me "Bok Bok". You know, that is the sound a chicken makes! They have their own reason for the name and I will explain on another day. Today this loveley bird is how I feel and what I look like!

Well, today was a really hard day. I tried to think of what I love, but, believe me it was a chore. It all started this morning as I was getting ready for the day. I had a lunch date with friends that I have been looking forward to for a month! But, as I showered and started getting ready I knew I had a BIG problem. ME! I was BIG.
Most of you who are reading this know that I have been sick...and on some serious medication...and I am fat. Fatter than I have ever been. Oh, I can blame this situation on a million things and I am not an innocent party...but, nevertheless I am in the predicament of having nothing to wear. I am not joking.
I bought a lovely pair of 'fat man' pants to get me through the recent holiday season. Well, they don't fit any more! So, I sat down and bawled.
After a good cry I thought there surely must be something I could wear. NOPE.
Plus, after a good cry, I looked at my extremely puffed up face and thought how can I hide THAT?! I don't even look like myself anymore. I look like my brother! I cried again.
I decided I would not, could not, should not go to lunch today with my friends.
I put my jammie pants back on and was satisfied with the decision.
Then, I got thinking. I thought, who did I think I was before I got looking like the plump chicken in the photo above? I have NEVER been the pretty one, or the stylish one or the skinny one before now. Why was it any different today? I don't know! I cried again.
I was a wreck.
I don't know what came over me then, because nothing miraculous really happened, I just put on those 'fat man' pants and rigged up an elastic in the button know the old 4 month along pregnancy trick...and went to lunch.
I don't know if my friends noticed that I had fat rolling over the top of my pants when I sat. Or, that my pants fell down when I stood. I don't know if they had to look twice just to see both sides of my face at the same time. I don't know if they could tell I had spent the morning in tears. Or if they could tell my self-esteem was at rock bottom and that I looked like my brother. All I know is that they did not say a thing about it. Nobody said a thing about anything unusually large, or different than normal, or even about my medications. No one asked about my brother. They asked how I was feeling. I said fine. I am thankful for their concern. But, I am even more thankful they are my friends.
So, today I must say, the thing I love are FRIENDS. True friends who love you for WHO you are and not what you look like. The world today is all about looking good and having fun. Well, when you're not looking good it is hard to have fun..or so they say. I had fun at lunch today. Thanks Terry, Ruth, Rochelle and Janey. I love you. I bawled when I got home and I and doing it again now. But now, the tears are for a different reason.


Aimee Kieffer, aka "Momzoo" said...

Now you have me crying! I am so sorry about your bad day.

Jason&Lindi said...

Beki, you are loved!

Lawson Family said...

Mom, I love you no matter what. You are an amazing woman who I admire deeply!

Ashworth's In Az said...

you are so blessed to have great friends! I love you so much and not only as my mom as a a friend too! You are amazing and so many people want to be just like you!!

Chris & Tarisa Todd Family said...

When I look at you, I look at your eyes. When I look into your eyes all I see is beauty. You are full of the light of Jesus Christ and I mean that. There hasn't been a day when I can't see that beauty in YOU. I love you.